Sometimes Life Stinks...Don't Let That Stop You
- munchkinsoccer
- Jan 16, 2022
- 3 min read
I remember watching a movie on Netflix, it was a Norwegian movie called The King's Choice. It was about the Nazzi invasion of Norway, and the disposition of the Royal Family as well as rule over the country's inhabitants. There was a scene where people are fleeing away from a German attack: bullets flying, people running through trees, adults, children, the whole nine yards. I cried... A LOT. Why? Because I saw on the color screen the hell that my grandparents lived through. It was bad enough in my imagination, but with my tendency to (theatre term) "suspend disbelief" when I watch films, I was completely sucked in. I was there.
Growing up, my grandmother shared with me her experiences fleeing from the Ukraine. She gave me accounts of running into bomb shelters with my Aunt and Uncle (thankfully, my mother was born at the end of the war), and of running for cover into the trees while traveling, when the air raids began. Since my grandfather was of German descent, and he had family in Berlin, they would occasionally follow the German troupes while traveling to their final destination. As you can imagine, highway robbery was a problem for refugees, so sticking somewhat close to the soldiers meant at least a degree of protection. At the same time, it also meant they would be subject to any attacks against said troupes. My grandmother painted vivid pictures about how they would be crossing an open field when the bombs would begin to fall, or the bullets would begin to fly, so they would drop their wagon, grab their kids, and literally run for their lives for the shelter of the trees. Praying, the entire time they would make it, while they sheltered their children with their own bodies.
As my grandmother told me these stories from our kitchen, or living room, in warmth, shelter, and peace; I remember being wide-eyed and stunned. It was more than my late 20th century, comfortable, middle-class brain could process. Here she was, thousands of miles and years away from the horror, and she would actually laugh about some of the crazy details about those experiences. Laugh. To this day it boggles my mind how people like my grandparents could endure such hardships and not break. Psychologists call this unbelievable strength "resilience".
According to Psychology Today, "Resilience is the psychological quality that allows some people to be knocked down by the adversities of life and come back at least as strong as before." (Psychology Today, n.d.). The article indicates that there may be some characteristics people have that make them predisposed to resilience, such as, "a positive attitude, optimism, the ability to regulate emotions, and the ability to see failure as a form of helpful feedback." Despite some individuals' predisposition; however, there are things people in general can do to increase their resilience.
The American Psychological Association is careful to counsel people what resilience is not:
"Being resilient doesn’t mean that a person won’t experience difficulty or distress. People who have suffered major adversity or trauma in their lives commonly experience emotional pain and stress. In fact, the road to resilience is likely to involve considerable emotional distress."
It also points out that building one's resilience takes time and effort, like building a muscle. It encourages people to focus on four core concepts:
Build your connections
Foster wellness
Find purpose
Embrace healthy thoughts
Seek help
In upcoming posts, I'll dive into each one of these tips individually. In my own life, I was able to use my grandparents' example to build my own resilience. Every time I faced a hardship, I would think back on my grandparents' incredible stories and come to the same conclusion: if they could survive that, I could definitely survive this.
In sharing these stories with my son, he cautioned me not to be so dismissive of peoples' struggles. To be clear: that's not my goal, here. My goal is to share my grandparents' stories to give people hope (see my previous post). I consider myself very fortunate to have had the influence of their experiences in my life. I feel it actually gave me an advantage. I merely want to pay their gift forward to the next generation. I only ask you help me in my goal.
References:
American Psychological Association. (2020, February 1). Building Your Resilience.
Dowd J (Fg Off). (1942-1945). Aftermath in the Eilbek district of Hamburg.[Photograph].
Imperial War Museums.
Psychology Today. (2022). Resilience. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/resilience
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